I don't know who I am.

Why is it that everyone seems to be growing up together, and I'm just stuck being a kid?

I don't wanna talk about it, it's far too sophisticated.

So, I haven't been writing a lot which is both a good and bad thing.. I mean, it's a good thing because it means I've been busy and that I have a life now but it also means I'm going to have a lot to write when I do write things.

So, first off I'm happy. I know that sounds like a stupid thing to say but it's true. I'm finally happy. Not content, not okay, but happy. I'm happy with myself. I'm happy with my life. I'm just happy. Things are finally going right for me. I've been so inspired lately by so many people and things. I've gotten back into writing music. I'm hanging out with the people who I used to hang out with and I missed a lot. I'm learning how to control my self. Life really is just a huge lesson; like school. Sometimes you just want to do things whenever you want to and you don't want to listen to anyone, but honestly you don't have a choice. You're going to make mistakes and you're going to lose people. But always know that when one door closes another one opens. I'm just beginning to realize this. I've lost so much lately, but I'm gaining so much from it.

Negativity. I hate that word! I can't stand it when people are so incredibly pesimistic that they forget how to live; how to love! People just need to learn how to live. I know I've said this before in the blog, and if you know me well and you're reading this you know that I say it all the time too. It just bothers me so much when people play the pity card and they victimize themselves so that they get attention. The people who live for drama. The one's who can't live without fighting because that's what makes their lives interesting! I can't stand them. I know people like that, and I hate being around it. I've tried too many times to help, and it hasn't worked yet so I'm giving up. Why should I waste my energy trying to help you if you don't even want my help? The answer: I SHOULDN'T! So I'm not going to. Not anymore.

Positivity. I think it's my new favourite word. It just opens you to so many new things, so many new people. When you have a good attitude about life, people will be drawn to you. Well, that's what I've found anyways.

Love. It's simple. I don't think I need to explain it.

I think that people need to be happy. That's about it. I mean, I know that you're going to get down every once and awhile but that's normal. It helps to talk about it. It helps to cry your eyes out. I would know, I've done it. I did it yesterday. The sadness and anger took me over. It was so overwhelming that I fell to the ground and just sat there crying. I sobbed. I couldn't control it. But I feel better now that I've gotten it all out. I talked about it, I got help. I feel great now. Nothing's gonna break me down.

I love the feeling of being free and happy! End of story.

Just a big bowl of happy!

Sometimes your dreams just aren't what life has planned.

So, I haven't written in awhile and I guess I have a lot to say. For a little while, things seemed to be getting better. My friend and I made up, there wasn't any other drama to deal with, I was getting along with my parents and I was happy. Finally. Well, so much for that. Maddy and I aren't talking, again. But I guess this time it's my fault. I overreacted about something really stupid and ruined a great weekend for everyone. But I mean, it's not like it's all my fault, and the blame can't be put solely on me. I was targeted by someone who I thought cared about me, but apparently I'm not nearly as important as his little princess. I mean, I totally understand that she's your daughter but it takes two to tango and I wasn't fighting with myself. So, why are you yelling at me? Why are you basically kicking me out? Because I'm not family, that's why. It wasn't really your place to say anything, but I understand why you did. Although, the mature thing to do would have been to step back and look at it from both sides! But you didn't, and now this is even more complicated. Why? Because I'm being forced to apologize to all of you. Yes, I know that I should but I also think that you owe me an apology for singling me out. I know you won't though, because you're too high up on that horse of yours. Well, that's fine with me. I don't want to fight with Maddy anymore. I know that it was wrong of me to do what I did. So, those emails will be written and I know that at least one of them is going to be sincere.

Next issue? Well, my parents basically blamed everything on me. And, to make matters even worse they basically called me fat. Now, I know that I'm not super tiny but I'm not fat. I'm a healthy weight for my size! So why on earth would my parents just go off and call me fat?! It just makes me mad, because they're supposed to be my support system and they're supposed to cheer me up when I'm down, and they think that calling me fat is going to make me want to talk to them about my issues! Who knows, maybe when my next boyfriend breaks up with me and I try to talk to my mom about it she'll say "Well he was way too good for you anyways sweetie. I'm not surprised he broke up with you!" Yeah, what great parents I have.

This is so lame. End of story

All you need is a little bit of lovin'

So, today was surprisingly a good day! Well, most of it.. I mean, I haven't laughed as hard as I did today in a long time. I haven't gotten those butterflies you get in your stomach when you're with someone you love in a very long time. I haven't held someone's hand and felt like everything was going to be ok. I haven't felt the want, no need to just turn and kiss someone because there's nothing left to say. I haven't felt this alive in so long! I know that people say being in love is a big deal. They say that you don't know how to love when you're fifteen years old. PROVE IT TO ME! I want someone to come along and show me that I don't know what love is, because I've found someone who's shown me that I do know what love is!

I think that people these days just need to open up a little. I mean, have any of you ever been in love? Because if you have then you would know that you can't put an age on loving. If you haven't been in love, I truly hope you experience it some day because it's the most amazing feeling in the world.

Today I looked up at the sky and instead of seeing an endless sea of blue I saw an endless sea of opportunities. I saw hope. I saw love. I saw happiness. You know, people need to be a little more optimistic! We need to look on the bright side of life. I know everything's not always going to be sunshine and rainbows, but instead of looking at the bad things in an entirely negative way we just need to try and see the positivity in life! You can't learn if you don't make mistakes! You can't learn from other people's mistakes! You need to live! Open your heart to new things! You're never going to know what's out there in that big world unless you dive right into it! You can't just sit in your little glass box and watch the world go by wishing you could join the people around you. Step out of that box and join them!

As I sit here, thinking about what happened today I can't help but smile. Even though my best friend hates me and wants to have nothing to do with me, I'll live. I'll live because I know that one day it will all just blow over. I know that no matter how much she's mad at me, I love her with everything I've got and I hope that she knows that. I know that I've got people out there who love me, I know that I'm a beautiful person on the inside and out! I'm not trying to be self-centered and I'm not trying to be cocky. But I've come to terms with my life, I know that everything's going to be ok. I know that even though I may be a little chubby and that I may have a bit of a pig nose, people love me for who I am and I'm beautiful in their eyes. And that's all I need.

Today was a great day. I love being in love. I love life. I know I have problems, I know I'm not perfect, but I think I'm a pretty well-rounded kid. No matter what you say to me, you're not going to break this new-found confidence. I may cry because, yes, I have feelings and I do get hurt. But I'm not crying for you, don't you ever think that the tears I cry are for you. Because if you're the one who made me upset, you don't deserve anything I've got. You don't deserve my love, my hate, my friendship, my passion.. You don't deserve any of it.

I just wish that some of the people I know felt this way about themselves. Yes, you may be going through a rough time but you've got people there to back you up. You've got friends. If you shut them out, they're going to stop trying. Believe me I know.. You need to break through that wall, just let it down. LET SOMEONE IN! We love you, don't you ever forget that.

I know this post has been kind of all over the place, but I just felt so inspired by.. well the world. THANK YOU GOD!

Take a chance, jump into love. You never know what you're going to get out of it. END OF STORY!




Who knew that something so simple could be so beautiful?