Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore.

So I've been listening to the same song on repeat for the past day and a half and every time I listen to it, it means something new. The first time I ever listened to it, I thought that the melody was beautiful. So calm, so soothing; it just took me to a place where I love to be. Then, as I began listening to it more, and listening to the lyrics, it got me thinking. The chorus and pre-chorus mean something new to me every time it plays over:

And still I cant let you be
Most nights I hardly sleep
Don't take what you don't need from me

Its just a drop in the ocean
A change in the weather
I was praying that you and me might end up together
Its like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert
But I'm holding you closer than most,
'Cause you are my heaven.

Every time I hear those words, though I think of the same person, new thoughts and feelings come to me.

At first, it made me sad because I didn't think that I would ever be with him. I love him, and I don't think that there's anything I can do to change that. I thought for the longest time that I was over him, but I know I'm not. And as much as I want to be, and I just want to be friends with him I know I can't. Most people think it's stupid of me to not let go. They say I just need to forget about him and move on. But let me tell you, it's definitely not that easy. I wish that everyone could feel the way I'm feeling right now because, even though it hurts sometimes, knowing what it feels like to love is wonderful - even if you don't get it back from that person.

Now, I listen to the words in that song and although I know that I still love him it just makes me happy. I'm happy to know that he loved me too, at one point, and it just makes me smile to think about him. I know that even though we're just friends right now, he cares about me. He doesn't want to see me upset. He doesn't like it when I cry. And when I hurt, he wants to help. Even if he doesn't know how I feel about him, I'd rather it be the way it is now then not have him in my life at all.

All I know is that he means more to me than a lot of the people in my life right now do. Even though he's hurt me before, I'm willing to put that all behind me for the sake of our friendship; and my sanity.

I think that I can officially say I'm in love.. I don't know why, and I don't know how it happened, but I know that I've never felt this way about anyone before. Every time I hear his name, or I see him sign into MSN I get butterflies in my stomach and a smile just seems to appear on my face. There's nothing I can do to get rid of this feeling, and all I can do is hope that maybe things will turn out the way I want them to.. Even if they don't, though, I'll be OK with that. He's in my life, we're talking again, I know he cares, that's all that matters.

Love is complicated, but I think the heartbreak is worth it in the end. End of story.