Just looking for an answer..

Well, there goes another relationship. I thought this was was really going to last, to be honest, but I guess I was wrong. I'm not sure what happened, really; we were so happy and in love and then one day it all just changed. I don't know if it's because I stopped feeling the way I had in the beginning- if I loved him less- or if it's because I just didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. Whatever it is, I just don't feel the same way about him that I used to. I haven't really told anyone this, I just told people that I didn't want to fight with him anymore, but it's nice to be able to say that the real reason is because the feelings were just fading. I'm not really sure where to go from here, but I know that there's someone out there who's meant for me; just means I've got to do some searching....

A whole new look!!

Another thing that's new with me is that I'm blonde now! I was blonde as a little kid, but as I got older my hair got darker. But, with my new change in attitude and my new outlook on life, I decided it was time for a new look. So I went blonde! I really love it a lot, and I think I want to get some more highlights. I can't wait for my hair to grow some more too... I know it doesn't seem like a very big deal, but it's made me feel a lots more confident about myself. Yay for new beginnings!!

Saying goodbye is never easy..

This is my grandpa. He was my hero, my best friend, my idol. I loved him more than anything in my life. He was the strongest person I knew, the most hard working, the most caring, the most successful, and the bravest person I've ever known. He struggle with cancer for so long, and fought so hard to beat it. He never let it overcome his life, and even in his dying moments he was the most dignified man I've ever met. He died on August 29, 2011, at around midnight. He had prostate cancer that spread throughout his body, and there was no way the doctor's could stop it. They tried so many times, but there's only so much you can do for a man in his 80's. The last time I spoke to him, I told him everything that I've never been able to say. He wasn't really one to express his feelings, so I never really told him everything I wanted to; but when someone you love is dying and you know that this is the last time you'll get to see them, it's important to tell them everything. I wish that he could be here to see me graduate from high school, and to get married and have kids, but I know he's looking down on me from wherever he is and he's proud of me. I know that I didn't need any big events for him to be proud of me, because he was just proud of the things he knew I would do one day. I wish that I could just hug him one more time, or hear his voice, or see his smile, but I know that he's better off now than he was when he was lying in that hospital bed. I miss him more than anything, and I know that everyone else does too, but I know that I'll see him again one day. If I could see him again, I would tell him that I miss him and that I love him, and I would ask him to tell me one of his amazing stories. I can't believe it's been almost 5 months already; it seems like I was sitting on his lap and telling him about my day. One of my friends on Facebook posted this poem from an anonymous source, and I thought it fit the way I feel perfectly:

I cried when you passed away. I still cry today. Although I loved you dearly, I couldn't make you stay. A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest. God broke my heart to prove to me he only takes the best. I miss you and love you, Grandpa.

What were you thinking?

Wow... It's been almost a year since the last time I posted on this blog. I know that there's no one reading it, but I think I'm gonna start writing again. I miss having somewhere to vent, and I miss being able to write every day. A lot's gone on in the past year; and I mean a lot. Not everything's worth writing about, though, and it's late so I don't think I'm going to write a long post right now. But there is something that's on my mind right now, it's been bothering me all day. I just think it's funny that the people who know me the least are always the ones who have the most to say. I hate it when people don't know anything about the situation you're in, but they still feel like they need to spread rumors about you just because they don't like you. I know that not everyone likes me, and I don't expect everyone to like me. But if I respect you and I'm nice to you, I expect you to do the same. I don't deserve to have rumors spread about me, especially when it could put my relationship with someone I care a lot about in jeopardy. I just wish that people could see how much this rumor really is affecting me, and how much it hurts....