Learning to Live..: April 2010

You say it's all in my head, and the things I think just don't make sense. So where've you been then? Don't go all coy, don't turn it around on me like it's my fault. See, I can see that look in your eyes, the one that shoots me each and every time.. You know, I know just how you feel 'cause honey I'm starting to feel that way too.

These days when I see you, you make it look like I'm see-through. Do tell me why you waste our time when your heart 'aint in it and and you're not satisfied! You know, I know just how you feel 'cause I'm starting to feel that way too.

I'm over your games. But I'm not over our friendship, yet.. End of story.

**Lyrics from Cold Shoulder by Adele

You just don't get it, do you?

Secret # 5:
My hopes are pathetically high.. so it hurts every time you look me in the eyes and don't kiss me.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

I miss you even when you're around

I just want the real you back. I know that people change, and there are a lot of ways that we've both changed- good and bad. But, I don't like the person you've become. I don't like the things you do. I miss the you I used to know.. And I don't really want to say this, but I think I've come to the realization that you're not coming back.

I'll wait, even if it gets me nowhere. End of story.

This world is a scary place..

Secret # 4:
I don't think I'm ever going to be good enough for anyone, and that really scares me..

Friday, April 16, 2010

Grabbing hold of anything that will carry me through the night

Today in religion class, I was lucky enough to be able to participate in a session with some people from The Mission. To be honest, I've never felt like I wanted to make a difference more than I did when I left that room today. The way they talked about how great it is to know that they're helping people really made me think about what I want to do with the rest of my life. I don't care about the money, because I know that doing something like that obviously wouldn't have a great income, but I'd rather know that I'm making a difference in someone's life. The people in the video we watched seemed so humbled and content to know that the people working at The Mission care about them. I want people to feel that way about me. I want to be remembered by at least one person for doing something that helped them. I don't want to sit in an office until I'm old enough to retire. I want to change the world!

I can't do that by myself, though, and that's why I think more people should go out and try to make a difference in someone's life. Sometimes all it takes is a smile or a simple hello to brighten someone's day, so why not break outside of that box and do more to help? That's what I want to do. I feel like it's what I'm meant to do, even though I know that I'm only 16 years old. I know who I want to be, and I know I'll get there someday. I hope that other people of my generation feel the same way. We can make a difference.

Every person deserves to be loved. End of story.

This is crazy

Secret # 3:

I hate myself when I start to give up on people, even if I don't know them.. everyone deserves hope.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

I'm a lover, not a fighter

Secret # 2:

Every night at 11:11, I wish for you..

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Death is creeping in, come save.

Secret #1

I just realized that we're all going to die. We don't know when, we don't know how, and we could die at any moment, but we're all going to die. So why is it that we all live like none of this is true?

I have an idea!

OK, so I don't know who reads my blog but I've come up with a great idea. Every day, I'm going to post a new secret about myself! Yes, I know it sounds stupid but I'm going to do it anyways!

Addicted to our pride, come save.

Well! I haven't written in a long time but I have something I really need to get off my chest and the one person who I would talk to about it is the problem. SO, here it goes (Maybe you'll read this, so I'll just address it to you):

Dear Maddy,

We've been friends for ten years and I care about you more than anything in the world. You are the most important person in my life, I love you. Do you really think I don't care about you or our friendship? Just because you didn't talk to me for an entire day, so I asked one person if they knew what was up with you? That's tracking you down? Overreacting?! I was never mad. I'm still not mad; but you are. I'm sorry.. I don't know what I did, but I'm sorry.

I would, however, like you to know that I don't like your friends. Your not yourself anymore! The Maddy I know and love would never even think about skipping class, let alone actually do it! You would have never wanted a tattoo or a piercing, but now that everyone else is doing it you want to too. Oh, and don't even get me started on your boyfriend! The things that you've been doing because you feel you need to impress him? I don't want to be mean, but it's pathetic. Stealing things from your sister that someone should never ever take from anyone else? Really?

Oh, and the rebelling and lying? It really needs to stop. I know that it's not my place to tell you what to do with your life, but you're headed down a road that's going to lead you nowhere. I don't want to see that happen to you. I know that you don't really have your parents to turn to about this stuff, and you don't really have Morgan either because of the things that she's dealing with, but you'll always have me! I love you so much, and I'll always be here for you.

..Please, talk to me?

...

I know that she's never going to read that, but one can hope right?

I'll always be here for you, no matter what. End of story.